The most important step in making lasting changes (CYL! Episode 8)

How do you set goals that set you up for success? And what’s the step in the goal-setting process that too many people skip… which makes it less likely they’ll succeed? Well, that’s what you’ll discover in Episode 8 of the Change Your Life! podcast… your practical guide to creating a better life for yourself.

Episode Transcript

Imagine trying to take a trip somewhere but having absolutely no idea where you are right now to even begin your journey (and no sat nav to do the job for you)… that’d be pretty frustrating, right? Well, that’s exactly what it’s like to try and change your life without a clear understanding of what your current reality is (and why things are the way they are). In today’s episode, I’ll be exploring why it’s so crucial to thoroughly understand where you are before you can figure out where you’re going, and I’ll share lots of different tools to help you gain the clarity you need to make meaningful and lasting changes in your life. 

If you’re ready to gain a clearer understanding of your current situation so you can begin to make real changes in your life, then grab a seat because this episode is full of practical ways to help you be more successful. So, let’s talk about how to Change Your Life!

Hello and welcome to Episode 8 of the Change Your Life! podcast… your practical guide to creating a better life for yourself!

I’m Jeremy Godwin, I’m a writer, coach, and mental health counsellor, and I talk to clients about this type of stuff for a living (plus you might also be familiar with my other podcast, Let’s Talk About Mental Health, where I teach people how to improve their wellbeing each week). In this special 12-part series I’m sharing all the practical advice I possibly can about how to change your life for the better, based on quality research as well as all the stuff I’ve been learning along the way over the past few years where I’ve been making a lot of changes in my own life.

Last week I talked about how you can create goals for yourself that help you make the changes you want to make in your life, and today I’m going to teach you how to make those goals way more effective by taking the time to explore your current reality before you take any other action.

So, let’s start by talking about…

What it means to figure out your current situation

And this is about taking time to really look at where you are now (in relation to your goals and the areas of your life you’re trying to change), as well as exploring why things are the way they are… all of which lays the foundation for more meaningful and sustainable change in your life.

So, as I mentioned last week I’m using the GROW model as the basis of our discussions about setting effective goals (mainly because it works, and also I used to use it back in my corporate days so I find it particularly helpful… plus I’m not a fan of reinventing the wheel, since the wheel works perfectly well!). Now, I might be betraying myself as a bit of a personal development nerd here (because I tend to get quite passionate and excited about all of this self-development stuff!) but the ‘Reality’ stage of the GROW model is my personal favourite (and that’s the nerdy bit… because let’s be real here, who seriously has their own favourite step in a personal growth tool?!).

The reason why I say that is that this is the part of the process where you’ll ideally spend the bulk of your time, digging deep and exploring things so you can get to the heart of what your current situation is and — most importantly — why things are the way they are… because, once you know that, you can then begin to tackle the root cause of things, which is going to have a much higher likelihood of setting you up for success (and I’ll explain that more shortly). This is all about being really honest with yourself and creating greater self-awareness, and it can completely transform how you view yourself as well as how you view the world around you… so it’s a big conversation to have, and a really important one! 

When I talk about ‘identifying your current reality’, I’m essentially asking you to take a good, hard look at where you are right now. This isn’t just a quick surface-level peek; it’s about digging deep to truly understand the full picture of your current situation. Think of it like a map. If you don’t know where you’re starting from, it’s nearly impossible to plan a clear route to where you want to go.

In a broad sense, identifying your current reality means being brutally honest with yourself about the state of affairs in the area of your life you’re aiming to change. It’s about recognising the facts — what’s working, what’s not, and why things are the way they are. This understanding then forms the foundation of your journey towards change, because it helps you pinpoint things and be much more considered and strategic in how you move forward… and it’s all about recognising that truly successful change requires you to go deep and address the root causes of issues you’re dealing with instead of just addressing the symptoms; I mean, if you’re trying to change your financial situation (for example) but aren’t addressing underlying issues with the way you handle money, you’re just going to find yourself going round and round in circles. Same with your physical health; if you’re relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms then you need to figure out why and address those issues or you’ll most likely just find yourself replacing one bad habit with a different type of bad habit.

So, what does all of this look like in a practical context? Well, let’s continue with that example of trying to improve your physical health. Identifying your current reality would involve looking at your current habits, your diet, your exercise routine, and your overall lifestyle. It’s not just about acknowledging that you want to lose weight or get fitter. It’s about understanding why you haven’t already achieved those goals. Are there underlying habits or mindsets holding you back? Are there external factors that need to be addressed? What is actually sitting underneath the current situation?

When you take the time to do this, you’re the one in control. You’re taking the time to really understand yourself and make an honest, objective assessment of the lay of the land. That involves asking yourself tough questions and being prepared for honest answers… and even potentially answers that you might not like. It’s about allowing yourself to recognise patterns, behaviours, and circumstances that are contributing to your current situation; by doing this, you gain a much clearer picture of what really needs to change in your life and why. Because often we think we know what needs to change (or what we would like to change), but you just might find that this stage of the process highlights things you hadn’t considered… or it might even change your perspective entirely.

Spending the bulk of your planning time in this ‘reality’ stage is incredibly valuable. Of course, it’s probably tempting to want to jump straight into action — to start trying new things, and hope for the best. But without a thorough understanding of your starting point, your efforts might be misguided and less effective… and this is where the GROW model really shines. By dedicating the time to review and plan, you set yourself up for success. You can address the root causes of issues, making your changes more sustainable and impactful in the long run.

As you uncover more about your situation, you might realise that your initial goals need adjustment… and that’s OK. Perhaps they were too ambitious, or not ambitious enough, or maybe they weren’t quite aligned with what you truly need or want. That’s perfectly OK. This is why I like using the GROW model, because it’s flexible and it encourages you to adapt as you learn more about yourself and your circumstances.

Taking the time to really understand your current reality ensures that the steps you take moving forward are grounded in a solid understanding of where you are. It helps you avoid the trap of taking action for the sake of action and, instead, it allows you to focus on identifying strategies that will genuinely work for you.

So, now let’s talk about…

Why understanding your current situation matters

And I think I’ve basically just made that point fairly clearly, in terms of helping you to have a really solid foundation to any action you take, but I want to dig a bit deeper before I explain how to do it… because this step is really about facing the truth of your situation, without any distractions or self-deceptions. It’s about being able to look yourself in the eye and really, truly, honestly look at the way things are, and why they’re that way, so you can figure out the most effective way forward. Doing that is going to make it much more likely that you’ll be successful in the long term, because when you come from a place of truth you can then make choices about what to do about all the stuff that’s been holding you back, or making life more challenging than it needs to be. The stuff that’s been getting in your way, or preventing you from seeing what needs to be seen. The stuff that has stopped you from creating the life you want. This is the time to look at all of that, and to acknowledge it, and to strip away any power it has over you so that you can confront it, process it, and release it. Because you need to do all of that in order to let go and move forward without the weight of all that baggage weighing you down.

Let me give you my own recent example. One of my main priorities in life, which I think I’ve mentioned previously, is peace of mind; that’s a big and broad topic, and I’m sure it means something different for each of us, but for me it means steering clear of drama and not allowing myself to be distracted — or weighed down — by the negativity and nastiness of other people, so that I can live a life that feels positive, calm, and joyful. A lot of the work that I’ve been doing recently to change my life has been focused on really reinforcing that sense of calm and peace of mind, however it dawned on me quite recently that I was still exposing myself to a lot of this stuff on a daily basis because of my personal social media habits; I post regularly on my professional accounts (@ltamentalhealth and @itsjeremygodwin), and although I don’t post on my personal account I was in the habit of spending at least half an hour twice a day scrolling through Instagram using the ‘Following’ feature and on catching up posts from the specific accounts that I follow… which somehow, over time, had exceeded 1000 accounts.

Lately I’ve become more and more aware of just how much news and politics and advertising has crept into a lot of these accounts, even meme accounts that I used to follow because they were funny, and I just realised the other day that I was always getting more frustration from Instagram than I was joy. And that meant that things needed to change, because nothing changes if nothing changes! 

And I’m sharing that because I was actually not really focusing on what I needed to focus on in order to create that sense of peace of mind for myself, so now I’ve chosen to take at least three months off from scrolling Instagram for personal purposes and I’ve substituted that activity with reading, which is definitely making me feel a lot more positive… and I’m also approaching that activity in a much more intentional and thoughtful kind of way. If I had just continued in the way that I was then I really would have been undermining my own attempts to create and maintain peace of mind, by then exposing myself to content that was actually taking away my peace of mind. 

When you look at the bigger picture in terms of what your current reality is and why it is the way that it is, you can then begin to see what really needs to change in order to have the impact that you’re looking for.

Understanding your current situation provides clarity, a lot like having a detailed map before you start a journey. It allows you to make informed decisions, set realistic goals, and track your progress accurately. By identifying the specific elements of your situation — your habits, routines, relationships, and mindset — you can uncover the root causes of underlying issues. This helps to build your self-awareness and create a stronger sense of accountability, helping you recognise patterns and barriers that may have held you back in the past. 

And then, beyond that, going through this process ensures that your efforts are focused and purposeful, so you’re not wasting your time and energy. For example, if you’re focusing on improving your work-life balance then knowing why you struggle with it in the first place helps you to address those specific issues with targeted strategies; if you have difficulties with time management or saying no, then you can address those specific things and have a higher likelihood of success (rather than just reading a generalised book or watching a YouTube video about how to have better work-life balance, and then wondering why it doesn’t seem to be effective for you).

So, how do you do all of that? Well that’s a great question that I’m about to answer, but first let’s take a quick break to hear from the brands that help me create this show each week.

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And welcome back! Now let’s talk about…

How to better understand your current situation

OK, start by conducting a detailed self-assessment — most of us probably only do self-evaluations when we’re applying for a job or doing some sort of course of study, but taking time to complete a detailed and honest review of your current situation, focusing on the specific area of your life you’re aiming to change, is going to help you really understand what needs to change and why. I’m going to guide you through a detailed example of how to approach this; you’ll find all of this in the transcript for this episode (which is linked in the episode description and available on my website at itsjeremygodwin.com). Begin by breaking down your self-assessment into key categories: habits, routines, relationships, work environment, internal mindset, etc. For each category, ask yourself specific questions to gain a clear picture of what your current situation is. For example, if you’re focusing on career improvement, ask yourself questions like:

• What are my daily work habits?
• How do I typically spend my workday?
• What are my relationships like with colleagues and supervisors?
• What aspects of my job environment support or hinder my performance?
• What beliefs do I hold about my career and my capabilities?
• How does my current work fit in with my long-term career goals?

Write down your answers in a journal or on your phone, and be as detailed and honest as possible; avoid the temptation to gloss over any uncomfortable truths, because you need to get a clear and accurate snapshot of your current reality. Next, gather evidence to support your assessment; this can include performance reviews, feedback from peers, or any relevant metrics. Concrete data helps to provide an objective basis for your self-assessment, making it more reliable, so figure out what works for the type of change you’re looking to make (and if it’s focused more on how you feel, try keeping a mood tracker for a few weeks or doing daily reflection to help you gather data; I have a simple digital tool available to buy that can help you do this, it’s available on my website and the link is in the episode description). After you collect all of this information, analyse it to identify patterns and insights and look for recurring themes or issues that stand out. For example, you might notice that a lack of effective time management skills is a common thread affecting your productivity. Finally, summarise your findings into a clear and concise statement of your current reality. This statement should highlight the key aspects of your situation and the main challenges you face. For example: “I struggle with time management and often feel overwhelmed by my workload, which affects my performance and job satisfaction.” By conducting this sort of detailed self-assessment, you’ll gain a much clearer understanding of what your current situation is. And so that then leads to my next point…

Take time to uncover the ‘why’ behind your current reality — OK, so now that you know what your current reality is it’s time to dig deeper into the underlying causes of your situation — the ‘why’. Using the time management example from before, let’s talk about how to start uncovering the root causes. First, start with reflection and introspection by setting aside some quiet time to think about why time management is a challenge for you. Ask yourself probing questions; in this example, like:

• Why do I often feel overwhelmed by my workload?
• What specific tasks or activities cause me the most stress?
• Why do I procrastinate on or delay certain tasks?
• Are there patterns in when and why I feel most productive or least productive?

Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal or notebook, focusing on honesty and detail. This initial step helps you begin to identify patterns and triggers. Next, consider external factors. Look at your work environment, home, relationships, and external demands that might impact your situation. For example, ask yourself questions like:

• What types of interruptions or distractions at work contribute to my time management issues?
• What types of external expectations or pressures might affect how I prioritise my tasks?
• How do my interactions with colleagues or supervisors influence my workflow?

It will also help to gather feedback from others (like trusted colleagues or mentors) because, sometimes, other people can offer insights that you might miss. Ask them for their observations on how you manage your time and what they think might be contributing to your challenges.

Now, analyse your internal beliefs and attitudes. Often, the ‘why’ behind a behaviour is linked to your mindset. Consider questions like:

• What beliefs or fears might be leading to delays in completing tasks?
• What might be holding me back?
• Are my expectations of myself realistic and fair?

And obviously these questions will need to change depending on what your specific situation is. Once you have a better understanding of the ‘why’ that sits beneath your current situation, you can then begin to identify opportunities to address those specific factors and then start taking action. And so then let’s talk about the next step, which is…

Review your goals — so, you know those goals that you set previously (that we covered off on back in Episode 7)? Now you need to go back and revisit them! And the reason why is that having worked through what your situation is, and why things are the way that they are, you now need to be really sure that your goals are actually going to address the reality of your situation, rather than just how you thought that things were or what you wanted them to be. In other words, if you want to make change happen then your goals need to be directly aligned to your current reality in order to make that change. Using that example of the time management piece again, there’s no point putting in a whole bunch of work around improving your time management (and focusing your goals specifically on that) if the underlying reason for you having issues in the first place is that you actually hate your job! Make sure that your goals are directly aligned to the ‘what’ and ‘why’ of your current situation, which will then set you up for success.

OK, so now I want to give you a number of tips that are sort-of general ‘food for thought’ items to consider as you’re focusing on the reality of your situation, starting with…

• Begin with a clear mindset, which means setting aside any preconceived notions and approaching the process with an open and non-judgemental attitude and being brutally honest with yourself about your current situation, recognising both strengths and weaknesses (all of which is essential for making informed decisions). Focus on being present and objective, acknowledging facts without letting your emotions cloud your judgement (because there’s no point in beating yourself up over the current reality of your situation, since it is what it is!).
• Reflect on your past experiences, which means looking back at previous attempts you’ve made to change or improve in the same area so you can see what worked, what didn’t, and why. Focus on identifying patterns and lessons that can inform your current approach.
• Prioritise areas for improvement, because you can’t do everything all at once so identify which areas of your current reality need the most attention which allows you to focus your efforts on the most impactful changes. Focus on addressing high-priority areas first to create significant progress early on, and to encourage yourself to keep going.
• Monitor your emotions, because understanding your emotional responses can reveal what truly matters to you and where potential challenges might lie. Focus on identifying emotions that frequently show up for you and take time to explore where they’re coming from, which can provide valuable insights into underlying issues or areas of concern.
• Consider working with a coach or mentor, because they can offer objective insights and challenge your assumptions (all of which can serve as a much-needed reality check). Focus on being open to feedback, and choose to use their expertise to help you refine your understanding of your specific situation.
• Consider external influences, because being aware of the potential (or actual) impact of external factors (like market trends, social changes, economic conditions, etc.) can help you to anticipate challenges and adapt accordingly. Stay informed and focus on finding ways to deal with negative impacts and take advantage of opportunities.
• And show yourself compassion, because being kind to yourself through this process helps you to navigate what can be a quite confronting and challenging process of digging through the underlying truth of your situation. Acknowledge your efforts, celebrate small victories along the way, and forgive yourself for any setbacks. Focus on maintaining a balanced perspective and treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a close friend.

Summary & Conclusion

So, the main thing I’d like to leave you with today is this:

Taking the time to thoroughly understand your current reality is an absolutely essential step in creating meaningful and lasting change. By approaching this process with honesty, openness, and a willingness to delve deep, you can begin to lay a strong foundation for your journey forward. Remember, clarity is power; the more you understand about where you are now, and why, the better equipped you’ll be to make informed decisions and take purposeful action that helps you to achieve whatever it is that you want to achieve in life. Embrace this stage as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery, and know that every bit of insight you gain brings you closer to your goals. Your future self will thank you for the effort that you put in today. You’ve got this!

So, by way of closing out, each week I like to share a quote that’s relevant to the subject; this is one about-self awareness is by unknown author, and it is: “Self-awareness doesn’t stop you from making mistakes, it allows you to learn from them.”

Alright… that’s it for this episode; next week I’ll be talking about the next step in working on your goals, based on the third step in the GROW model which is ‘options’. Once you have clear goals in place, and a solid understanding of your current reality, now it’s time to start brainstorming all the different ways you could possibly achieve those goals. This isn’t about needing to have all the answers, but instead it’s about figuring out where to find the potential answers… and I’ll explain more about what I mean when we get into that conversation. So, next time I’ll be talking about what identifying your options means, why it matters, and how to do it.

I hope you’ll join me for that episode; hit ‘follow’ on your preferred podcast platform so you never miss an episode (and turn on notifications; I release new episodes on Wednesdays); as I’ve said previously, I’m committing to 12 episodes for this first season, and then we’ll see what happens from there. 

If this episode was helpful, please give it a like so other people can find it and leave me a note to tell me what you thought; if you’re on Spotify scroll down and leave a comment in the Q&A section below, or you can find me on Instagram @itsjeremygodwin. Sign up to my mailing list for free at itsjeremygodwin.com to have episode transcripts and audio emailed to you each week, and support me on Patreon for early access to ad-free episodes of all of my podcasts; you’ll find all of those links in the episode description.

Thank you very much for joining me today! Have an absolutely fantastic day, night, whatever it is when you’re listening, and I’ll talk to you next time. Take care!

Change Your Life! is an independent program proudly produced by Reconnaissance Media. For more information, visit reconnaissancemedia.com